Identity-Based Burnout: When Belonging Feels Like Work

Written by Evan Curry, LCSW

Identity-based burnout happens when managing how you’re perceived becomes emotionally exhausting. Learn what causes it and how identity-affirming therapy can help you recover and reconnect with authenticity.

Understanding Identity-Based Burnout

You might already know what burnout feels like — the exhaustion, cynicism, and disconnection that come from chronic stress. But identity-based burnout runs deeper. It isn’t just about workload or deadlines. It’s about the ongoing emotional labor required to navigate environments where parts of your identity are misunderstood, marginalized, or invisible.

This kind of burnout shows up when belonging itself becomes effortful — when you’re constantly assessing how to fit in, how much of yourself to share, or how to avoid bias and judgment. Over time, that vigilance takes a toll on your mental and emotional well-being.

Identity-based burnout often affects those from underrepresented or marginalized backgrounds — people of color, LGBTQ+ individuals, neurodivergent professionals, first-generation achievers, and anyone who feels pressure to “code-switch” or manage others’ comfort to be accepted.

The Hidden Labor of “Fitting In”

Many clients describe the experience of belonging as something they have to earn — through performance, accommodation, or perfection. You might find yourself:

• Monitoring how you speak, dress, or express emotion in certain settings.

• Feeling pressure to represent your entire community or identity group.

• Downplaying aspects of yourself to avoid being “too different.”

• Overachieving to counter stereotypes or bias.

• Shouldering invisible labor — educating others, translating experiences, or managing microaggressions

This constant self-monitoring is emotional labor, and it’s exhausting. Even when you appear calm and competent, your nervous system may be working overtime, scanning for cues of safety or threat. Over time, this state of hypervigilance can lead to fatigue, disconnection, and feelings of alienation even in spaces that seem supportive on the surface.

How Identity-Based Burnout Shows Up

The signs of identity-based burnout can mirror traditional burnout, but with a deeper layer of emotional weight. You might notice:

• Emotional exhaustion – Feeling depleted after interactions that require self-editing or vigilance.

• Disconnection – A sense of being “out of place” or detached from your authentic self.

• Imposter syndrome – Persistent doubt about your worth or belonging, even with clear accomplishments.

• Heightened sensitivity – Feeling more reactive to microaggressions, comments, or exclusions.

• Loss of joy – Activities or communities that once felt energizing now feel draining.

• Somatic symptoms – Chronic tension, headaches, or fatigue from prolonged stress.

The Role of Systemic Stress

It’s important to name that identity-based burnout isn’t a personal failing or lack of resilience. It’s a systemic issue, rooted in environments that weren’t built with everyone in mind.

Workplaces that claim to value “diversity” may still center dominant norms. Academic institutions may celebrate inclusion while maintaining structures that subtly reward conformity. Even well-intentioned communities can unconsciously ask marginalized individuals to be educators or emotional caretakers.

These dynamics create what psychologist Dr. Kevin Nadal calls “microaggression fatigue” — the cumulative exhaustion of navigating constant, subtle invalidations. Over time, these experiences compound into burnout that is both emotional and existential.

Healing Through Identity-Affirming Therapy

Identity-affirming therapy offers a place to rest, reflect, and reconnect with your authentic self. Instead of asking you to adapt to oppressive systems, it helps you examine how those systems have shaped your self-perception and how to reclaim your energy, values, and sense of wholeness.

In therapy, we might explore:

• The difference between belonging and fitting in.

• How identity-based expectations have shaped your work and relationships.

• The stories you’ve internalized about what you “must” do to be accepted.

• Tools for boundary-setting and self-advocacy in environments that demand emotional labor.

• Ways to reconnect with sources of joy, pride, and rest within your identity.

This process is both healing and liberating. It helps you see that burnout isn’t proof that you’re inadequate. In fact, it’s evidence of how much effort you’ve invested in surviving systems that weren’t designed for everyone to thrive.

Reclaiming Your Energy and Self

Recovery from identity-based burnout involves both self-compassion and systemic awareness. You can begin by:

1. Naming what’s happening. Burnout thrives in silence; naming it brings clarity and power.

2. Validating your exhaustion. You’ve been working hard, often in invisible ways: fatigue is not failure.

3. Reclaiming boundaries. You don’t owe constant self-translation or emotional caretaking to others.

4. Connecting with affirming spaces. Seek relationships and communities where you don’t have to perform to belong.

5. Practicing rest as resistance. Rest is not indulgence; it’s a radical act of self-preservation and care.

These steps take time… and therapy can be a supportive space to practice them without pressure or expectation.

A Note for Those Who Feel “Tired of Being Tired”

If you’ve felt like no amount of rest is enough, or that you have to keep proving yourself just to stay afloat, you’re not alone. The exhaustion you feel is real. It’s not in your head, and it’s not a personal flaw.

Identity-affirming therapy is about helping you come home to yourself, not by changing who you are, but by creating space where who you are can breathe. Together, we can unpack the emotional toll of identity-based burnout, reconnect with what sustains you, and move toward a life that feels both grounded and genuinely yours.

If you recognize yourself in these experiences, consider taking the next step.

Reach out to begin your journey toward recovery and self-reconnection through identity-affirming therapy.

ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria: Understanding the Connection

Written by Evan Curry, LCSW

Living with ADHD often means managing more than just focus or organization challenges. For many people, ADHD also comes with an intense emotional experience known as Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)—a strong fear of criticism, rejection, or failure.

If you live in Asheville and struggle with ADHD, you may find that RSD shows up in relationships, work, or even everyday situations, leaving you feeling on edge or deeply hurt. Understanding this connection is the first step toward finding relief and healing.

What Is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)?

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is not an official clinical diagnosis but rather a term used to describe the intense emotional pain and sensitivity many people with ADHD experience when they feel rejected, criticized, or not “good enough.”

While everyone feels hurt by rejection from time to time, people with RSD often describe it as a crushing or overwhelming reaction that can feel out of proportion to the situation.

Common Signs of RSD in People with ADHD

• Feeling devastated by criticism, even when it’s gentle or constructive

• Avoiding opportunities (work, relationships, creative pursuits) out of fear of failure

• Experiencing sudden mood swings after perceived rejection

• Struggling with perfectionism and people-pleasing to prevent disapproval

• Feeling overly self-critical or ashamed after small mistakes

• Becoming angry or withdrawn when rejection is sensed, even if it wasn’t intended

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many people in Asheville, North Carolina, and beyond who live with ADHD describe RSD as one of the most challenging parts of their experience.

Why Does ADHD Make RSD More Likely?

ADHD impacts how the brain processes both attention and emotions. Research suggests that people with ADHD may experience more intense emotional responses due to differences in how the brain regulates dopamine and manages stress.

This heightened emotional sensitivity, combined with common ADHD struggles—like forgetfulness, impulsivity, or difficulty meeting deadlines—can make criticism and rejection feel especially painful. Over time, this cycle can fuel anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem.

How Therapy Can Help with ADHD and RSD

While RSD can feel overwhelming, the good news is that therapy can help you navigate these intense emotions and build healthier coping strategies.

Working with an Asheville therapist who understands ADHD and rejection sensitivity can support you in:

• Learning emotional regulation skills to calm the nervous system when RSD is triggered

• Challenging negative thought patterns that reinforce shame or self-criticism

• Building resilience to handle feedback and rejection in healthier ways

• Strengthening self-worth beyond performance, productivity, or perfectionism

• Exploring ADHD-friendly strategies to reduce stress and prevent emotional burnout

Moving Forward

If you’re struggling with ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria, you don’t have to carry it alone. With the right support, it’s possible to understand these emotional reactions, reduce their intensity, and build a stronger, more compassionate relationship with yourself.

If you’re in Asheville or North Carolina and seeking therapy for ADHD or RSD, I’d love to support you. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation and take the first step toward relief and self-acceptance.

5 Ways to Stop Panic Attacks, Fast!

Written by Evan Curry, LCSW

When a panic attack strikes, it can feel terrifying and overwhelming. Your heart races, your chest feels tight, and your thoughts spiral into “What if something’s really wrong?” Even though panic attacks aren’t dangerous, they can be incredibly uncomfortable and leave you feeling powerless.

The good news? There are simple, proven techniques you can use to calm your body and mind when panic starts to take over.

Here are five effective ways to stop a panic attack, fast:

1. Focus on Your Breath

During a panic attack, your breathing often becomes shallow and rapid, which increases feelings of fear. Slowing your breath tells your nervous system it’s safe to relax.

Try this:

• Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4

• Hold for a count of 2

• Exhale gently through your mouth for a count of 6

• Repeat for a few minutes

This type of controlled breathing can help lower your heart rate and calm your body.

2. Ground Yourself in the Present

Panic attacks often pull you into spirals of “what if” thoughts. Grounding techniques bring you back to the here and now.

The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique:

• Name 5 things you see

• Name 4 things you feel (like your feet on the floor, your hands on your lap)

• Name 3 things you hear

• Name 2 things you smell

• Name 1 thing you taste

This simple exercise interrupts anxious thoughts and reconnects you to your environment.

3. Use a Calming Statement

Repeating a reassuring phrase can remind you that panic attacks, while uncomfortable, are temporary and not harmful.

Examples:

• “This is just anxiety. It will pass.”

• “I am safe in this moment.”

• “My body knows how to calm down.”

Over time, these mantras can re-train your mind to respond with calm rather than fear.

4. Relax Your Muscles

Anxiety often creates physical tension. By deliberately relaxing your muscles, you signal to your brain that it’s time to let go of the panic response.

Try progressive muscle relaxation:

• Clench your fists tightly, then release.

• Shrug your shoulders up to your ears, then let them drop.

• Tense your legs, then relax them.

Move through your body from head to toe, releasing tension as you go.

5. Shift Your Focus

Sometimes the quickest way to stop a panic attack is to give your brain something else to focus on.

Try one of these distractions:

• Splash cold water on your face

• Chew minty gum

• Count backward from 100 by sevens

• Step outside and name everything that’s the color green

These small, tangible actions can interrupt the panic cycle and redirect your mind.

Moving Forward

While these techniques can stop a panic attack in the moment, therapy can help you understand the root causes of your anxiety and reduce the frequency of panic over time. With support, it’s possible to feel calmer, more in control, and less afraid of panic attacks.

If you’re struggling with anxiety or panic in Asheville, therapy can help you find lasting relief. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation—you don’t have to go through this alone.

How Untreated Trauma Affects Your Relationships

Written by Evan Curry, LCSW

Trauma is not just a painful event from the past; it's a deep-seated response to a distressing, disturbing, or life-threatening experience. When left unaddressed, this pain can quietly seep into every area of your life, often causing the most significant and heartbreaking damage to your closest relationships. While you may be working to build a future, your nervous system is still stuck in the past, leading to a host of subconscious reactions that push away the very people you want to feel close to.

The impact of unresolved trauma on relationships can manifest in subtle and overt ways. You might find yourself constantly on edge, hypervigilant, or assessing potential threats even in safe environments. This state of perpetual defense can make it difficult to relax and be truly present with a partner or loved one. You may also feel a sense of disconnection, as if you are "outside of your body" or looking in on your life from a distance. This feeling of being disembodied creates an emotional barrier that prevents genuine intimacy and connection.

Furthermore, untreated trauma can lead to a harsh inner critic and a chronic sense of self-doubt. You may struggle with emotional dysregulation, experiencing intense emotional responses or mood swings that feel out of your control. These challenges can cause you to pull away from loved ones, anticipating judgment or criticism, or to react impulsively, creating conflict where there once was peace. You might find yourself sabotaging relationships or pushing people away before they have a chance to leave you, a protective mechanism that is rooted in past experiences of feeling unsafe or criticized.

The good news is that you are not broken, and these patterns are not a life sentence. As a trained EMDR therapist, I've seen firsthand that a structured, effective path toward healing is possible. Through modalities like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), individuals can begin to reprocess past experiences, allowing the brain to relate to old memories in a healthier, more adaptive way. This process helps to reduce sensitivity to triggers and builds emotional resilience, which in turn leads to healthier, more connected relationships with yourself and others.

Seeking help is a brave and courageous step toward reclaiming your life. Therapy can be a non-judgmental, compassionate space where you can safely explore the roots of your pain and learn new tools for navigating life's challenges. It is an opportunity to heal old wounds, build trust in yourself, and create the kind of healthy and fulfilling relationships that you truly deserve. If and when you are ready to begin a journey of healing, I invite you to reach out and book a free consultation to explore a path forward.